Don’t cry about things you can’t change

Published on July 26, 2023

Takes approximately 4 mins to read

“Don’t cry about things you can’t change, change the things you can, change your pathways.”

Throughout my professional career, numerous moments arose wherein certain facets left me disenchanted. These encompassed my own choices, responses to colleagues, or approaches to challenges that did not resonate with my perspective.

As my proficiency grew, it became important for me to devote enough time and energy to cultivating an adept mindset for dealing with challenging scenarios and disputes - be they internal struggles or external confrontations. My guidepost became the recognition of what fell within my sphere of influence versus what exceeded it; this allowed me to strategically select my battles while leading me toward more informed decisions and strategic assumptions.

Indeed, the human mind is a potent instrument. When furnished with the appropriate tools and guidance, it can artfully orchestrate thoughts, placing each in its rightful chamber. Yet, in moments of unbridled expression, unconsidered utterances may emerge, casting shadows of remorse and ruefulness.

One event stands out in my professional memories vividly: it involved an episode involving disagreement between me and a colleague that left me thinking, “He doesn’t see the collective; only himself is being represented here.” At the root of our disagreement was an unfamiliar technology proposed as a solution by my colleague - one which no one else was familiar with but him. I felt its swift adoption would slow our pace and add undue technical debt given its steep learning curve required to deliver our deliverables on time; while my colleague seemed charmed by its “coolness”. I responded strongly against immediate incorporation while he continued insistent on pushing through incorporation of this tool immediately.

As the hours unfurled, an unmistakable tension pervaded the air. We consciously skirted around each other, even as he immersed himself in crafting the feature with the unfamiliar tool. Little did we, the rest of the team, anticipate the enlightening revelation that awaited us.

Come morning, at our standup, he unveiled the completed feature—meticulously designed, meeting all stipulated criteria, and primed for QA. A collective murmur of disbelief echoed among us: “How did he build it so quickly?” Yet, as our whispers exchanged notes of surprise, the immaculately rendered user interface shimmered in the backdrop.

Later, as lunch time came, we descended to our frequented coffee shop nestled amidst the pulsating heart of Shoreditch, London. The exact name of this spot eludes me now, which seems almost an injustice given their exquisite flat whites.

Intrigued, I asked, “How did you accomplish that in such a short amount of time?” He responded, a hint of wisdom in his voice, “Saad, occasionally, it pays to have optimism and invest trust in your peers. My strategy was to first construct it, then demonstrate its efficacy to advocate for the library’s extended usage.” It was in this revelatory moment that I was acquainted with React—a versatile JavaScript library, adept at seamlessly integrating into even the minutest fragments of web projects. My colleague proceeded with a deeper elucidation. That afternoon saw us, rapt in attention, gathered around his monitor, observing the magic of reusable components, which in turn sidestepped redundancy and unwarranted code density.

What’s compelling to note is that this colleague wasn’t a team lead or an engineering manager. He was, in essence, a collaborative contributor. Yet, his personal endeavours in upskilling bore fruits that undeniably enriched his professional contributions.

From that encounter, React seamlessly integrated itself into our technical ethos, leading the transformation and creation of many projects.

Reflecting back upon this crucial juncture in my professional development and relationships with colleagues, I recognise its profound effect. Instead of rigidly resisting his choice out of arrogance or pride, the tangible results caused me to reconsider it; his empirical evidence overpowered any feelings of inferiority I might harbour about his choices; hence I not only changed my approach by paying closer attention to technical discussions from others but also became an advocate for diverse viewpoints. My persistence would have only proved detrimental while his solution speeded up our timeline by one week earlier than if I had persisted in my resistance whereas his solution gave rise to one week early delivery.

At its core, this narrative stresses the importance of approaching every professional crossroad with genuine openness. Before engaging in challenging behaviour or making statements that might exacerbate an existing conflict or situation, take the time to listen first and lend an ear. When circumstances or evidence contradict your position or goals, pivot gracefully rather than bemoaning an inevitability that seems set. Such shifts could bring great benefits in years to come.